I usually don't write too many blogs that include my personal life...but a lot has been on my mind recently. If you care to read through this, I would appreciate it. If not, I completely understand. This may be one of those TL;DR moments, but I feel better putting all my thoughts in here.
I recently moved into a new area, far away from family, with 2 others. One being my boyfriend, Dan, and the other being one of my closest friends, Xandra (Vhendira on IGN) You would think I would be excited and happy and such...but weeks before the move I was a mess. I was worried about money, and moving far away from family, and about the new area. See, I've never really lived on my own before, and this is all new to me. While I am excited, I'm also a bit scared. I'm scared that things may not work out, or that living with these two may actually ruin our relationship between us. However, that isn't really what has been bothering me the most...
The day we moved in, a fight occured with my mother that caused her to leave my home, and my life. What happened was my Uncle (kerry) moved us in with his van. (Giant van, like a U-haul). My mother told me to tell Dan and Xandra to each pay him 50 dollars. While it is reasonable, some complications occured where the money couldn't really be put together. If you're wondering why she didn't ask me to pay, it is because they used the excuse of "You're my daughter, and their niece. They are moving you for free." However, I was going to pay anyway. So, I asked mom if Xandra and Dan could ask Kerry how much the gas would be, and pay for that. Mom agreed at the time, so when we initially entered the household, they didn't have the money physically ON them, because we hadn't of asked Kerry about gas just yet. Well...My mother wanted the Money all ready by the time Kerry left, which he left quite suddenly but told us to just give the money to my Aunt (his wife). We thought that was reasonable enough, but my mother thought otherwise. After my uncle left, my mother stared me down, and started shouting at my face. At this point, Xandra steps in and tries to calm her down, but being the protective person she is, she gets defensive and fights back. Dan and his mother tell my mother that there is no need to shout, or you can go outside. I....I just stand there in shock. Mostly because no one has ever really stood up for me like that during one of my mother's tangents.
Long story short, my mom has a very short temper, and throughout my life I've grown to just kind of deal with it. Nothing I say can ever calm or down, or make her happy, so I just let her take her anger out on me until she feels better. While she rarely hurt me physically, the things she said I would take to heart...even though many people have told me not to. But she's my mom...and...I can't really explain why I take her opinions to heart...But I do.
Anyway, My mother storms out of the house, and leaves me with one sentence. "You're done, Kid." Which is a trademark line of hers usually meaning that hell is about to come to me. I stand there in shock for awhile...and then break down. I was lucky to have Xandra, Dan, and his mother there to comfort me after...and tell me what a terrible person my mother is.
Now, It's been 5 days since that incident. I haven't tried to contact my mother, and the only thing she has done is leave a threatening FaceBook message.
I guess the thing I need advice on is...should I try and reconcile with her? She's my mother. She's the only mother I'll ever have. and I have been an absolute mess in the head thinking about this since that day. Yes, she's cruel. But She can also be helpful and give advice and sometimes be an actual mother. But I just hate the thought knowing that she hates me. it's in my personality I guess. I don't like being hated..
So...if you read through all this, Thank you. I honestly feel better typing all this out, and If anyone out there can relate at all to this post...I'm here for you. I know how it feels, and I'm here.
Thank you.
-Blair